Taking It Like A Man

It is incredible the immediate effect felt after taking the drug. It's not in the brain, however, but in the arms. It's almost like this tightening feeling. I had a difficult time concentrating in class today b/c of the amped feeling; its still a docile amp, but distracting, nonetheless.

Unlike Day 1, the feeling subsided b/f the end of the day, but I'm putting my chips on not having this feeling at all, as my body continues to acclimate. The biggest change in me has been this short fuse and frustration I had developed in the past couple of years. I have been through frustrating situations today, misplacing my wallet, money talk w/ my wife, but none of it resulted in the blowing up that it had in the past. I am still wary about how it'll effect my "big thinking". We'll just keep monitoring it and revisit that on another entry.

First Full Day

I think I'll record the next two weeks daily and then move it to weekly.....
I'm taking one 27mg a day. It's time released which is preferable b/c it allows for a more consistent plane as opposed to Ridilin that brings you up and lets you down (normally taken 3 times a day). It also discourages abuse, but I'm not worried about that.

The effect is almost immediately felt. The best I can explain it is being docilely amped. It felt like my blood pressure shot up, but my heart was at a normal rate. Though I felt hyperfocused and aware, I was not anxious in any way...crazy. It was not too comfortable, but I am expecting the jitters to wear off as my body gets used to the drug.

Some noticible effects:
Though I'd still get sidetracked, I was able to maintain the thread to continue with myoriginal task.

Most importantly, I did not get angry w/ myself or frustrated when losing something, like my bus pass (it was in the car). I just figured it out. This is jazzed up my wife who claims my self-loathing when frustrated is her number one peeve. I hope the streak continues.

Let's Get It Started

Well, after 31 years of successfully living with ADHD, earning three college degrees and erecting an upstart business, without Ridlin I have reached the point where I needed to reconsider. Something about 30 that makes you mortal and hinders your coping skills. Everyday, I feel so overextended that it becomes an epic struggle; like I am fighting to keep a spring wound and if I lose site, for even a moment, it all comes unraveled (don't ask me where I get my metaphors). In short, I feel there are so many things going on it is difficult to focus on any of them.

I'm going to do things right, however. After one attempt with a guerrilla supplied by a rogue pharmacist in college, which resulted in abuse, and another such attempt in graduate school where incorrect dosage nearly mentally destroyed me, I approached this attempt very methodical. I've seen a therapist for the past 3 weeks and spoke to a physician, as well. Both will be having follow up visits throughout the process.

It was not an easy decision because I prided myself on being able to manage my ADHD. It is not an easy thing to do and requires technique and understanding. Too many parents think narcotics are the immediate answer and I believe cause more harm to their still-developing children (especially because so many of them are just being kids and have no ADHD at all. I believe I have hit a plateau, however, and do not think I will be able to achieve what I want without the drug.

What do I expect from it? I cannot tell you. I have no specific expectations b/c....well, because. That is why I am keeping this journal. I've decided to post it in hopes anyone else with this disorder can look to it as a resource. I do not plan on putting posts this long -this is just my introduction- but my maintaining this blog will serve as a barometer to whether the drug is effective -I am terrible at keeping records. Let the games begin.